What I Believe

I believe in love, in love at first sight and at second sight. I believe in being alone and ignoring a ringing phone. I believe in crying and open windows in the middle of winter. I believe in the meaning behind music and the curative powers of throwing up. I believe in hot coffee, walking fast, and not wearing watches. I believe in reading, writing, and thinking. I believe in loud music, ball point pens, and practicing good handwriting. I believe in Storyhill, Paulo Coehlo, and asking questions. I believe in the color red. I believe in hair ties, in trying harder, in bridges, in trains, and in the occasional punk song. I believe in taking notes, reading lists, and making it up as you go along. I believe in saying so when I don't believe in something. I believe in hot water and sad songs. I believe in yelling when you have an argument. I believe that war is evil and sometimes necessary but never glorious. I believe that death happens and that God exists if you believe he does; I do not. I sometimes believe that I exist, and sometimes I believe that I have made myself up entirely, all the way down to the fingernails on my long-fingered hands. I believe in silver shoes, old jeans and thin jackets. I believe in sleep. I believe in black and white and the rest of the story. I believe in covering your face with your own hands and sobbing quietly, even with someone in the next room. I believe in asking why over and over. I believe in good poetry. I believe that what I think is good is actually good. I believe in lilacs, in daisies, and in walking through the grass without shoes on. I believe in falling asleep with the lights on. I believe that I walked in on a friend trying to die. I believe that I have wanted to die. I believe that life is. I believe that life is hard, and wet from tears, and red from blood, and tired from trying. I believe also that life is apathetic to the trying and the fatigue. I believe I think too much and simultaneously not enough. I believe in down comforters. I believe in staying up late and sleeping in. I believe in good posture and driving with the windows down, regardless of the weather.