Once Again

once again

and again
the white before me mocks my thoughts
and my tryingness to perform
and the very thoughts I try to keep in line
,that I try to order into a somethingness,
not only leave something to be desired
but leave me
somehow
again.

Once I was standing on the pier of a great lake
and the blue waves stretching before quietly (silently) made promises
they couldn't keep
and though I should have known better, I believed the
impossibilities without trying hard enough
and trying too hard is how I lose the strings
of a somethingness
tied to a time I don't
believe in.

On a dark street in a town that doesn't look real,
(though it didn't strike me as such then; only now in memory
does its peculiar charm reveal itself as contrived).
On a dark street, I remember walking out on my past
and also giving up my future
,once again, from not trying hard enough
and trying too hard, which I used to think was
impossible.