Before You

i am a bluetiredredscreamingcrazy person without you.
blue without and tired from thinking
and red from screaming and crying and trying to 
forget about you.
you are driving me crazy, (but always did).  


how did we end up like this?  
i loved you and (you loved me?) and i think what went wrong was
i gave up and i let you give up and you let me give up and you gave up.  And maybe
sometimes we just don't have the energy to not give up,
and that is how things go wrong.


i don't want to remember
but i want to remember how you were; instead
i remember how you ended up:
as one half of a broken us.


i am a bluetiredredscreamingcrazy person without you, 
but then again, i guess i was that before you too.